When I was a child, I went through something that was pretty humiliating. It’s pretty fair to say that even though I’m far removed in terms of time from the experience, that what happened still has a pretty profound effect on my life. It may seem trivial to some, but what I’m about to tell you has always haunted me in a sense.
When I was a little boy, I was put back in diapers at an age that was abnormal. The experience always humiliated me and made me feel as though I was inept. Even as a little boy, I was upset about this and would have memories of the experience that upset me. It was weird how I viewed the experience, however, even though I knew the memories I had were real and the experience actually did happen, I always felt far removed from the experience. I wanted to believe the memories were not real, but they were later confirmed by my parents.
The reason why this took place is odd and embarrassing to speak about and there’s actually more than one reason as to why it took place.
When I was 4 years old, I was toilet trained, but I had a lot of trouble with constipation at that age. It was so severe on time, that I remember sitting on the toilet and trying to go but no matter what I did, I couldn’t. It freaked my parents out enough that they took me to the ER, where I was given an enema. (something that freaked me out badly) I always remembered that on the way home, that my Dad carried me in the store and bought a pack of Pampers. I remember saying “They’re for Bruzz right?”,(What I called my 9 yo bro) although I knew full well that they weren’t. I remember being in shock when I got home; my Dad put me in diapers again like it was completely normal.
This went on for quite a while actually. I remember being given suppositories and being kept in diapers for a while after that.
But, I always got the sense that once I was put back in them, I wasn’t taken out of them for a while.
When I was 20 years old, I wrote to several hospitals to see if I could obtain a medical record that would document the medical visit I had back when I was a child. I had figured that if I could obtain this medical record, that it would mean that the memories I had were in fact true and allow me to have the confidence to confront my parents concerning the memories I had.
Well, I did obtain the medical record and when I did, spoke to my Mom concerning this. She had confirmed what I remembered and had said that I was put back in diapers bc she had thought the medicine I was given would prevent me from having any kind of control. I think I did have control though, bc I remember hiding behind the couch when I had to go to the bathroom out of shame that night after the ER experience.
When I confronted my Dad, the story got worse bc he had said I was in diapers for a while after that bc I used to go to work with him on his school bus, (which I remember well) and he had said bc there was no bathroom on the bus, that it was a good idea to keep me in diapers again. He also offered one last reason why I wore them, which was the most devastating to me. He recalled when I was 5, that I had a lot of problems with buttoning my pants, and that he kept me in diapers in Kindergarten bc he thought the button would prevent me from being able to go.
When I learned that I could have worn a diaper to school, I lost 12 days of my life, all I did was sleep, and I didn’t eat. Like I said earlier, had always had the sense that I wore diapers at an abnormal age, and that it went on for a considerable amount of time, but I didn’t want to believe I wore them to school in Kindergarten, although I had feared that I had.
I have memories of this that haunt me. Being diapered in the living room like I was 2 all over again, being asked if I needed a diaper change in Sunday School in front of some boys my age at 4 or so; these memories haunt me and even though I’m a 28 yo man, I still don’t know how to deal with this.
I don’t know how to deal with this situation. I stopped talking to my Dad over it, and my Mom says that I never wore them to Kindergarten bc she was home and would have known, but she does agree with my Dad that I probably wore them on the school bus when I went to work with my father. I don’t know whom to believe and how to talk to either of them without feeling anger. I think they should have had the common sense not to humiliate me like that. My Mom and Dad say that they never meant to hurt me, and I know that’s true, but their intent doesn’t change the fact that this has always haunted me and made me feel as though I was less of a man.
This experience as affected me in the sexual sense as well. It makes no sense, but even though what happened to me humiliated me, every sexual thought I’ve had since I was a little boy had to do with what my dad did to me as a kid. Only the idea of having a guy make me wear a diaper and re-enact what my dad did appeals to me sexually. I’m not into regular sex with guys or girls.
I know talking about this is probably crazy, but I have no idea what to do. I wondered how other guys would deal with this situation and if they would be able to have a relationship with their parents in spite of this.
I want to be able not to think of this, but there’s reminders of this experience in every day life. When I see a 5-6 yo boy, I can see the intelligence they have. It would seem forgien to me to ever entertain the notion of putting a kid in a diaper at that age. They’re too advanced and I’d never want to kill a kids self-esteem in that manner. I wish my parents could have seen that in me.
As trivial as it may seem, even seeing a Pull-Ups commercials bother me. To see a 2 year saying he’s a “big boy” bc he’s not in a diaper anymore, while knowing I was in diapers at 5-6 bothers the hell out of me.
Just so everyone knows, I was toilet trained by age 3, and could use the bathroom by myself. It was the obstacles that got in the way so to speak
that made my parents feel as though putting me in diapers again was justified. Do you think my parents putting me back in diapers as a kid for the reasons given above made sense on their part?
This question is for other dudes, how would you view/deal with this?
If you could list your age/sex that would be cool, so I can see who the opinion belongs to. I’m a 28/m
If you could list your age/sex, that would be cool so I can see who the opinion belongs to. I’m a 28/m.
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