I have been out on Maternity leave for 8 weeks and 2 days and will return to work on Monday. I had a scheduled c-section and wasn’t really out of commission for longer than a week. My husband took vacation that first week and then his parents came to stay with us the second week. I have been at home alone since then. He works from 5 a.m. to 4 p.m. and does manual labor (meaning he runs a machine and stands for most of his shift). Sometimes he has to work until 5 p.m. and occasionally he has to work later than that, although it’s not common. I work from 7 a.m. to 4 p.m. and have an office job. I sit down 95% of the time. I rarely stay late and since having a baby I doubt I will stay at all.
Since being off work I have been staying up with our son, who will be nine weeks old on Wednesday, all throughout the night … with the exception of the first couple of weeks of being at home. I had assistance but I was still involved. But from the third week forward I have, for the most part, being staying up with him at night. Not to say my husband hasn’t been helping out, but the baby is usually sleep when he gets home so there is down time for him. When he does wake up he plays with him and deals with him so I can get a “break”. That may be anywhere from one hour to four hours (which he has really pitched in and started helping a little more a couple of weeks ago). He will make a couple of bottles up and recently started helping with the evening bath.
Before I had the baby, I told him I would get up with the baby during the night since he had to wake up for work so early. We both agreed this would be a good idea. This is our first child and I had no idea what I had signed up for. The first few weeks were hard for me. Then I got adjusted to it but started having issues due to sleep deprivation. Now I have just been dealing. Like I said, my husband does help to some degree but once he’s ready to take a shower and go to bed he does just that … unless I am ill which I was not feeling well two nights this week so he stayed up late with the baby. The second night I took over at about 11 p.m. When I tried to talk to my husband about how stressed out I was about staying up all night (dealing with crying, constipation, spitting up, feeding, burping, changing diapers … you all know the routine), he basically told me I had no reason to be tired since I am not working and I could be sleeping during the day when the baby sleeps. I have told him a dozen times that I am not used to sleeping in the daytime and it’s extremely difficult for me to do.
I have been sleeping in our guest room (next to the baby’s room where his crib is) to make sure the nights are calm as possible for my husband. He insisted that since I made the agreement, which made perfect sense to him, that I should uphold it. So, I asked if he was planning to migrate to the guest room when it was time for me to return to work. He has this sheepish look on his face and said, “I guess I can.” We talked about it last night and now his argument is that he stands up for 12+ hours a day and does manual labor. Because I have to be to work two hours later and I sit down, he feels it would still be ideal for me to stay up with the baby during the night.
I think he plans to help out when he feels like it, but he was really serious about what he said. On the first night I was sick this week, he was up until 2:30 a.m. and seemed to have an attitude about it. He came into our bedroom with the baby and sat on the bed where I was laying. I asked if everything was okay and he said the baby had been up since 11 p.m. He said he thought about calling into to work. I told him to join the club. He thinks the baby just drifts off to sleep at night … yeah right!
I need to know what is fair here. It is our baby and I realize there will be nights we may be up until time to go to work. But outside of helping out as he sees fit, he has had absolutely no compassion towards me and my frustrations. At times, I am so overwhelmed with having a new baby. While he is beautiful and a joy to have, he is a lot of work and I am mentally and physically tired. All my husband seems to do is blow me off when I try to express myself (because, after all, he’s working … nevermind I am still getting 70% of my salary while on disability).
FYI – This is by far the first time he and I have bumped heads about him feeling a sense of entitlement that is totally unjustified.
We eat a balanced diet consisting of a variety of fruits and vegetables. She loves her green veggies! NY has just implemented the new WIC program that includes whole grain breads, brown rice, fiber rich cereals, legumes, fresh, frozen or canned fruits & veggies, and the jars of baby food for infants! Her pedi is aware of her constipation but just tells me to put some caro syrup in some water and give it to her, in addition to the fiber supplementation.
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